“I do this for me” shouldn’t feel selfish.

Man in the water, "I wanna be alone..." (Photo credit: Adib Roy)

It’s too common for us women to feel selfish when we take time to do things for ourselves. Recently, I’ve noticed that it’s common for men to not understand the words “I’m doing this for me” when they come out of a woman’s mouth. Don’t ask me to what extent the two are interconnected, because I’m pretty sure I really don’t want to know.

I got a Brazilian wax so obviously it had to be for a man in my life. I started working out more… again, had to be for the men in my life. I take more time to go out with the girls, I take time to blog, I get a haircut, my nails done… etc. I feel guilty and, without fail, some man in my life thinks I’m doing it for another man. When I tried to explain this I got the dumbfounded stare. It was really rather annoying. So I explained “I do these things for me. I’m in a “selfish phase” right now and I’m very self-focused, that’s why I see so much less of you lately… because I’m taking more time for me.”

Why did I feel the need to say I’m in a selfish phase is beyond me. It’s how I feel, even though I know that’s not right. I’ve dedicated so much time in my life to other people that I know I deserve time of my own, but I have to actively remind myself to stop feeling guilty. It’s going to take time to learn to reshape my thinking on some subjects, but I’m happy with the progress I’ve made so far.

All of these things I’m doing now that I didn’t make time for before, I do these things for me. I want to be healthy. I want to keep up with my son as he gets older…. Maybe to some extent I do these things for another man. My son. But it is mostly for me, for selfish reasons. Because I want to see him go to kindergarten, and little league, and Disney World, and graduate College, and get married, and I want to see my grandbabies. He doesn’t care how I look in a bikini right now and all I care about is feeling good enough about myself to leave the house in one. I’m not going to be a fitness model. That’s just a fact of life. I just want to be comfortable with me. And the more I focus on me, the more confident I am in myself and the more comfortable I am with myself.

“I do this for me.” Those are the only words I recommend a woman repeat to herself, calmly, when she feels guilty for spending time on herself or when some poor, misguided male asks her who the other man she’s doing those things for is.

Just my short thought of the day –

LDd

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