It is the human condition to look for the easiest path. If we are unhappy with ourselves, we often blame others. Little things that are easily resolved become major annoyances, unable to be overcome when we cannot fix what is wrong with ourselves. It is this simple inability to acknowledge what the true problem is that is the downfall for so many people and relationships in this world.
How many times have you done this yourself?
You’re unhappy with a job, so you quit. Only to find the past repeats itself with your new job in short order.
You’re unhappy with how you feel about yourself, so you blame your partner for not paying you the proper attention or compliments. S/he isn’t affectionate enough, you tell yourself, and because that person doesn’t bolster your ego in the manner which you feel would make you feel better, you try to find someone who will.
You go through cycles of unhappiness and instead of looking deeper into who you are and why you are unhappy, you say you’re unhappy with where you are… when in all reality you’re likely to be unhappy with WHO you are. And you’re blaming everyone but yourself.
It’s so much easier than getting to know the uncomfortable truths about yourself. Easier to blame or walk away entirely. But does it help you in the end? No. You will never be happy unless you are accepting of who you are.
But how do you do that?
Well, the first step is to be completely honest with yourself. Whose fault is it that you’re unhappy? What have you done to contribute to your own unhappiness and the unhappiness in your relationships? Look closely at your frustrations and make sure you see all of the symptoms. Unhappiness is like an illness, if you can’t accurately identify the symptoms, you might miss the underlying cause. Is there a pattern? Are there other factors that always seem to be in play when you’re most unhappy? Do you have a chronic or recurring problem that seems to amplify your unhappiness? Do you always choose the easiest target of blame?
I’ve done it, you’ve done it… we’ve all fallen victim to this broken way of thinking at one point or another. It takes conscious effort to trace back a pattern of behavior and find the root cause. It takes willingness to see the domino effect that a single instance can have on future problems or concerns.The next time you find that you’re unhappy, take half an hour (or more) and think about all of the things that are bothering you, think about things that have happened to and with you in recent memory and make sure you’re not missing an important symptom.
Do yourself a favor and don’t try to treat the problem until you’re positive you’ve made a correct diagnosis. Sometimes inaction is a better solution while you’re attempting to determine the exact cause of a problem…. Otherwise you might end up sabotaging your own future happiness by treating the wrong problem.